I didn’t get very far when I felt a strong pull on my hair and the back of my shirt. The sudden pain stops me, and I fear what is going to happen next. I huddle closely to the corner of my kitchen, enjoying the coolness of its surface against my burning makeup stained cheeks. Only seconds later, my mother is screaming at me to go to my room, and telling me I’m disrespectful. I stand there for a moment, vexed by everything going on. “Go now or I’m going to pummel you!” she hollers. I refuse to move, even though I know that I should, to avoid another harsh threshing. I feel her fists upon my back, pounding on me. She picks me up and throws me into the wall again, and i figure it's going to leave a contusion. I’m surprised the clamor hasn’t woke the neighbors yet. I quickly turn around and push past her, and into my room slamming the door behind me. Realizing my quivering legs could not longer support my weight, I slide onto the floor and look at my surroundings through horribly blurred vision. Not even the nearly blinding yellow walls could brighten my mood this time.
My whole body is shaking in time with my sobs as I try to stand. I pulled myself up using my dresser as and aid, and look at myself in the mirror. My eyes are red and shiny from the fresh tears, and my makeup is sliding down my cheeks. My expression was very grave, and I felt worthless, a feeling that seemed interminable. I had a sudden craving for pain. I longed for the precise, sharp slice of a razorblade, and to see myself hemorrhage until there was nothing left. Absent-mindedly, I walked into my bathroom and retrieve a razor, inspecting it, stroking the blade with my fingertips. It sends shivers down my vertebrae. “I can’t do this.” I say between sobs, and put the razor back in its place. I know that once I put that razor to my skin, I’m hurting more than just myself, and i would abhor myself for it.
I run back to my room and pick up my cell phone. With shaking hands, I dial the number that has become so familiar to me, my one escape. I listen eagerly as it rings once, twice, three times… it feels like forever when I finally hear that comforting, “Hello.” on the other line. My breathing must have been uneven, because I didn’t have to say a word before he questioned, “Are you okay? Want me to come over?” he starts to sound panicky. I sob a few more times before he says, “It’s okay Bridgette, just try to calm down. I’ll be over soon.” and I hear the receiver click. I sat, thinking to myself how altruistic he was, when I hear the tap at my window. I stand up quickly despite my shaking legs, and hastily opened the window so Connor could come through furtively.He was barely all the way in before he caught me in his embrace, crushing my head to his chest. He pulls away, taking my hand and leads me to my bed so we can sit and talk. I feel his one of his strong arms around me, while the other is cupping my chin. He leans closer to me and whispers, "It's going to be okay Bridgette, i promise. If i could only keep one promise to you for the rest of our lives, it would be that everything will always be okay. Whenever you're not okay, i'll be here to make sure you’re happy, forever." he smiles and kisses me lightly, making my heart skip a beat. Taking his thumb, he wipes the tears from my cheeks and tells me he loves me. "We don't have to live like this Bridgette; we can run away so far that no one will know where to find us."
"What if we get caught?" I ask with a questioning countenance on my face.
"We won't get caught. Just pack what you need, and we can get in my car and drive until we're out of gas." he smiles.
"But what about you, don't you need anything?"
"I've got all I need right here." he says, grafting his arms to me. I gather only the necessary things, and put it all in my bag. Connor goes out first, and I follow, slowly crawling into his benign, outstretched arms, and he carries me to his car. We quietly back out and start driving.
Once we get to the highway, my phone rings, making me jump. I look at the screen and gasp. "It’s my mom." i say, starting to panic.
"Just stay calm, answer it and see what she says." Connor replies.
I flip it open and manage a quiet, "Hello?"
"WHERE ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? WHO ARE YOU WITH?" my mom screamed so loud Connor could hear it. He looks at me sympathetically, and nods once to indicate I should tell her. "I'm with Connor, mom. We're leaving, so I don't have to cause you problems anymore." I said, trying to maintain the placid tone in my voice.
"You can't do that! You're only 16!" she screams again.
"Mom, you can't stop me now. I don't want to continue living like this.”
"How could you do this to me? what about your sister, your dad, your friends?" she says, not screaming anymore.
"I have it all figured out mom. I don't need anyone else though. Don't worry about me, i'll be fine."
“Alright. But if you ever want to come back, I’m here.”
"Okay mom. Bye." i say, the surprise obvious in my voice. Even though my mom was nice to offer, I did not plan on going back to that life. I look at Connor and start to smile. "I'm free, we're free." I say, beginning to lament joyfully. Connor smiles, and reaches for my hand across the seat. I was the happiest I’ve ever been, and. I was ready to start a new life, our new life.
5 comments:
Authors notes;
1.) I would like my reader to get that you can find happiness even when you think you have nothing left to make you happy, and that you should try not to hurt other people or yourself. The theme of this is that sometimes you can find happiness right in front of you. One of the points I'm trying to make is that sometimes you have to let go of the past and move forward if it would be better for you, and live without regrets.
2.)I think that the easiest part to write about was when Connor came to Birdgetts house, and everything after that because it was happier and more romantic, and i'm good at writing stuff like that.
3.) The beginning washard to write partly because it was from personal experience, and partly because the wording was hard to find for the scene. The weakk parts throughout my story are descriptions.
4.) Any kind of feedback would be good for me, especially on my descriptive language and things like that.
the conflict of the story was that she needs to et away from her mom. it was an external conflict and it was resolved by her getting away.
The main character didnt really change throughout the story. My favorite part of the story was when she got away because it was the end. I was ready to start a new life, our new life. I liked this line because it was a good saying thing and it was the last line. The best quality was the vivid descriptions because it made it seem lifelike. I dont know what the theme was because i dont even know if there is a theme. The main thing you need to do is add the vocab words.
Vocabulary words:
VEXED - to confuse.
i used it to show that Bridgette was confused by her mom's agression.
CLAMOR - loud noise.
I used this word to show that the yelling was very loud.
INTERMINABLE - seeming to never end.
this word was used to explain that she thought the pain would never end.
HEMMORAGE - bleeding.
i used this to show that she wanted to bleed until she died.
VERTEBRAE - bones that make up your spine.
i used it to show that there was shivers going down her back.
ABHOR - to deeply hate.
i used this vocab word to show how much she wouldn't like herself if she followed through with what she was doing.
PLACID - calm.
this word was used to show that Bridgette was trying to remain calm.
Vocabulary(continued):
CONTUSION - bruise
this word is used to show that she is going to have a bruise after her mom hits her.
THRESHING - to hit repeatedly
this word is used to emphasize how much her mom is hitting her.
GRAVE - a serious expression
I used this to make it easier to see her facial expression while this is happening.
ALTRUISTIC - unselfish and helpful
this word is used to show how nice Connor is to Bridgette.
FURTIVELY - quiet and secretive
this word is used to show that Connor had to be quiet when he was sneaking in.
COUNTENANCE - a facial expression
i used this word to once again show her facial expression.
GRAFTING - to join or attach
this word is used to show how Connor was holding her like they were joined together.
BENIGN - kind
this word is used to show how kind connor is.
1.) The biggest change I made to my story from the first draft was that in my first draft Connor and Bridgette get married. I cut it out because it was hard to end the story with and made the word count go over too much.
2.) The editing process that was most helpful was reading out loud and listening for the errors. The peer editing was not very helpful for me.
3.) I think the strongest part of my story is Character development. I think this because the characters, mainly Bridgette and her Mom, change their views slightly towards the end. For example, Bridgett's Mom asks her to return home.
4.) Advice i would give to student for next year is that you should make sure you don't use too many descriptions, because it makes the story drag on too long and become boring.
Post a Comment